My birthday is on Veteran’s Day. It was the greatest day to have a birthday. Brad was always off work and I got to spend the whole day with him. I would wake to breakfast in bed – usually Brad’s famous French toast. (my favorite) He would have something amazing planned every year, little gifts from the kids, big A flowers, and he would clean the whole house spotless. (yes, I know, I was extremely spoiled)
And all of this on a day that we should have been celebrating him as well. I remember a year in Florida when he was asking if it would be O.K. if he did a fly by at the parade – because, you know, it WAS my birthday and he wanted it to be all about me. Haha. It still makes me laugh when i think about it. – because it is just so like him to me more worried about others. That was one of my funnest birthday memories – to get to cheer him on as his F15 four-ship flew by in perfect formation.
He made my birthday’s unforgettable.
And, for the past few years, unbearable without him. Last year I was thinking I had made peace with this day that my birthday falls on now. It’s kind of like “our” day, we can share it – but these past few days leading up to it I’ve been a mess. Overwhelmed and sad and pissed – and feeling bad for myself. Ugh! In a funk that I would try to shake off and just couldn’t.
The first year was by far the hardest. I remember not even wanting to get out of my bed. My sweet sister gave me a beautiful necklace that first year. She had taken a card Brad had written in and his finger prints and , i don’t know how they did it, – but I have this beautiful silver pendant that has Brad’s actual handwriting and print on it.
I love it. It makes me so happy to read it. I can look at that and see:
“I love you Beautiful, Eternally yours, Brad.”
Reading that in his own handwriting helps me get perspective.
eternity is a long time. and this life is but a moment.
This separation will be but a moment.
When I have it; I’m good. I feel like I can do this. I’m a better mother, a better everything. I don’t feel like I’m sinking, and I don’t feel alone.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been losing it a little.
And, I know it’s because I haven’t been on a “date” with my husband for a while. Since I moved back I’ve had a standing Wednesday date with Brad at the temple. (thanks to my amazing Sister in law Lisa who would take the kids for the day)
I don’t think I realized how much this was helping me hold it together until the Ogden Temple closed – and Sophie started school – for a few hours in the middle of the day (kindergarten ruins your life) 🙂 so I couldn’t have my “day off” anymore.
So, I had a much needed date with my husband today.
And it was a good day.
Nothing changed. Just tweaked the way I looked at it a bit.
I went in feeling a little sorry for myself and came out feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I would not trade places with any of you schmoes 🙂
Do you know how many people dream of finding their soulmate and having a family with him and loving every minute of every day they got to spend with him?
I had that. I HAVE that. I’m good.
Happy Veteran’s Day to my best friend. Thank you for the amazing birthday.