Searching

After Brad died I used to have the most horrible, crushingly sad dream. 
 
In the dream I had just lost Brad again.  
Throughout the whole dream I was running all over looking for him and I could never find him. 
People I would pass would say, “he just went that way.” “he just passed by.” “he’s just around the corner up ahead.”   
and I would follow the trail but he was always just out of sight up ahead. 
 
I would wake up sobbing. Never having found him. 
 
I am so grateful I no longer have that dream.
  
And I think I know why I don’t. 
 
Because I have finally learned how to find him again.
 
and he is right here with us. 
 
Always.
 
He is with us everyday.
I can feel him laughing with us and crying with us. 
I can feel him holding me up and steadying me and helping me to do this.
 
I am still missing him every minute. 
 
But I am no longer searching for him
 
Because he is here.  

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